So…Now What.

South Africa 2012


Time has been acting very strange lately, creeping slowly, and speeding past me before I can grasp it, it slips through my fingers and all I want to do is hold it tightly.
Making sense of the past three months has been and will continue to be a challenge. So many sights my eyes have taken in and given to my brain to try and make sense of, and when it can’t it gets passed on to my heart, where they will sit now, forever.
There are many things I do not understand about this experience, I feel overwhelmed thinking about the amount of suffering, the injustice I have had the unfortunate privilege to see first hand. I understand it to be a privilege because few will see it for themselves, and that is not a responsibility I take lightly, I am involved now, I am ruined, the nameless have been named and I will not forget them.
With all that I am trying to figure out now, with all that I do not understand, there has been a few things I know I know, about God, my world, and the person I want to be in it.
I know I want to be a woman of action. I will live out what I speak; I will not just speak words without moving. 
I want to create something out of nothing, to never stop building. When I create, something inside me starts to feel fulfilled, to make, do, form, fashion, construct, produce, generate, invent, design, satisfies my heart.
I want to be a person of promise. When I speak a word, I will mean it and will not go back on it.
I know God makes promises and they are always kept and always good. And he is an amazing provider of all of my needs and anything bad that happens to me is for his glory. I never leave my dads thoughts, I am resting in his beautiful arms, and I am blessed.
I know my fathers heart is broken by what he sees, I know he wants to see his children in action, fighting each others battles, standing in the gap, living in harmony, and as a part of this family, I have been called, you have been called. We are all called.
I know that I will never be the same.

Originally posted to South Africa 2012