He continues to work in my life…

Adventures in Guatemala

I would like to start this blog off by thanking everyone who has been reading my blogs throughout my trip to Guatemala. Thank you for your support and prayers. 

I am home now, and have been for about a month. It was a difficult decision to come home early, but I have been able to help my parents out with things and though I miss Guatemala and the people I was working with, I know that in my heart I made the right choice to come home when I did.

Since being home, I have been put to work on wedding things for my sister. The first 3 weeks home, I didn’t really have time to think about what I saw, experienced and what I took from it.

It hasn’t been the easiest adjustment, that’s for sure. Coming home straight into losing friends that have been in my life for a few years now was something that had me an emotional wreck for days. Now having gone almost 3 weeks without talking to them, I see that it’s for the better. I miss them terribly, and want to talk to them every day… but I have God’s strength to keep me from doing that until I am healed from the situation.

Now that I have been able to actually soak in what happened while I was in Guatemala, I have so many mixed feelings. My PAOC trainer gave me a questionnaire just a few days after I returned… I took the same questionnaire before leaving. This was just to see how and if any of my answers had changed. The first question was something along the lines of ”How do you feel about your trip?” My answer?….  Proud. This actually shocked me a little bit. To be honest, I have never really been proud of myself for anything I have ever done. Call it low self-esteem  or lack of respect for myself, I don’t really know but looking back on many things I’ve done, I have never actually said to myself,” I’m proud!”

This mission trip was very different from the ones I have been on before. Though during the others I was healed in certain ways, and doing God’s work… I didn’t really feel like I was being used to my full potential. In Guatemala, I really felt stretched. God used me in ways I never thought possible. Though my main reason for going was to help with the Seedlings program and to experience the Guatemalan culture, I never expected that God would totally re-work me in the process.

Most of my friends are non-believers, but they respect my beliefs and what I do in God’s name. They don’t really understand it, but they still respect it. They have asked how my trip was, I say “good” and for the most part I leave it at that. A lot of the things I experienced are hard to explain to those who don’t really understand the situation. If they ask questions, I explain things a little more, but really I’m still trying to piece together everything in my head too. If you have read my blogs, you have an idea of why it has been so hard.

While I was there, I had a hard time seeing what God was having me do. There were some days where I felt very lonely, even though I was surrounded by people. I had even questioned a few times why I was there… looking back on the time I was there I can now understand exactly what was happening. God had me there to serve Him… but He also had me there to show myself exactly how strong I am with Him. I’ve had a rough go at things with relationships and family matters, but being able to share my testimony with 150 plus people allowed me to finally forgive those that I needed to forgive. Now that I have forgiven, I am able to start letting go of my past situations. Don’t get me wrong, I still think about some things every day, it’s hard not to. But instead of seeing the bad that happened, I am now able to see the good from the situation which to be honest, I never thought was going to happen. I have lived in a dark place for a long time.

Being home now, has given me a whole new outlook on my life. I have started to get back into shape (this also helps with my depression) started to actually look at myself in the mirror and say, “I feel good today about who I am”. Falling back into the Western Lifestyle is difficult, and I am still struggling with how much stuff we have here. But I am also a lot more appreciative of what I do have. Not just the things laying around my bedroom, but the people, the relationships.

I love mission work, and even though there were points that I didn’t think I would make it through while I was there, I would go back in a heartbeat. To Guatemala or where ever God calls me to next, I will be sure to send out a message if you are interested in following me in serving the Lord there.

I will post a few more pictures from my last few days there. I hope you enjoyed reading my blog. If you have any questions, please feel free to leave me a comment and I will answer as quickly as I can. I appreciated your support. Thank you.

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of others. In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Jesus Christ.” Philippians 2:3-5

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Originally posted to Adventures in Guatemala